I am here. Still.

Today I decided I don’t want to be a furniture designer. I will change my mind tomorrow. For all that I fail to see in myself, just because I look too close, I still, clearly, see how my attitude towards my choice of proffession changes with.. not so much the tides but pretty much everything else. The same goes for you, I suppose.

I made a firm decision a week ago. I will be a graphic designer. I’ve changed my mind.

And I see, oh so clearly, that the hard part about this life will not be doing what I like, but rather knowing what I like. And I do, but it changes; I change and so do you. I wanted to be a carpenter. Or I thought I wanted to be a carpenter. I don’t anymore, perhaps I never did. Actually, I remember not knowing, as a teenager; not knowing what I wanted. What I will want. I just followed the path as it lay before me.

This is where the path has led me. I’m far from the last person who will be amazed by the places life takes you with or without your permission, but where do we go from here? It’s a big question shouted from the roof tops by every other lost soul on this side of life.

I can do anything. My recent design project has taught me the hard way though, that the expression “anything’s possible” is far from ideal. Quite the opposite, I would say. I friend told me that the mind thinks in negative, one should rather concentrate on what one can’t do, and find the solution from that direction.

I can’t.. um.. oh.. I feel stupid for trying to close a door of opportunity, but there’s a draft, damn it.

Oh well. Enough with the never ending. I’m designing a piece of furniture for the Stockholm Furniture Fair 2009 and I absolutely hate it. I have no theme, or I have too many, I can’t decide. Learning loads, though. For every piece of shit, forgive the choice of word, I put on paper I see what I don’t like, and I’m also, slowly, starting to see what it is, specifically, that I don’t like. That’s precious.

Sorry about the late hour, but I really have to get myself a bowl of müsli.. I’m starving.

I’m also getting an insight into how furniture design is supposed to be done. KhiB has it’s downsides as well, but they have an approch that, firstly, would have made it quite impossible for me to get in to the school as a freshly graduated eighteen year old, and, secondly, probably would have made me quit after a year or so. That came out a bit on the negative side there, but hear me out. KhiB produces proffessional furniture designers who make likeable pieces of furniture that will sell, preferably. I strangely enough realize that what made me sort of happy-ish.. or at least content.. or.. well.. summat.. in my school back home was the fact that it was never really anything, just a bit of everything.

“One man can’t have it all” they say, but I wonder how much a woman can get?

Oh, and thankyou to clubbers, flatmates, close and distant friends for the patience with my crappy mood this crappy week. I dedicate my five pieces of crappy furniture to you all.

And thus the day finally ends with a quote from my distant youth:

Good fight. Good night.