Jag kom på mig själv idag.. med att, lunchtid, sitta iklädd pyjamasbyxor, slaskig gina tricot tröja (utan bh), tovade tofflor och ett rött plastdiadem i håret, ätandes gårdagens ärtsoppa microvärmd i en plastburk, medan jag satt och läste kuriren. Alltså…

On the other hand I found some pale stripes on my back today, which means I have a tan nowadays, haha. My parents are going south and decided to prepare their pale, Finnish skin with a couple of visits to the solarium. I happily joined, not that I expected to get a tan, but it’s in moderate amounts good for my skin and gloomy mood.

Brain chemicals are still confusing. I removed a birthmark from my back the other day and have walked around like stiff board ever since, totally convinced the stitches will break if I bend over. I honestly don’t think they will, but I have this picture stuck in my head from an episode of Grey’s Anatomy where guest star Seth Green’s character’s wound just blasted open and sprayed the world with red graffiti.. Anywho, when the local anaesthetic stopped working, it of course started hurting. A couple of hours later I found myself in a suspiciously cheerful mood though, and when I thought about it, my back wasn’t hurting.

Endorphines. And it’s so not fair.. here I’ve been struggling with my work for days and now, just because my body “feels like it”, it kicks in some power and all of a sudden I’m working effortlessly, with a smile on my face. Strange brain. Placebo you say? Not my concern, I say.

I’m collecting stars, or stickers rather. I have a paper with 150 unchecked boxes on it. 50 boxes already have a sticker.. nice ones too. Tiny pictures of the dudes from Five, Hanson and similar. Aah.. precious youth. 

I’ve told most people already, but if one is allowed to repeat all the endless nagging, then the good stuff can very well be chewed a couple of times as well.

When I was seven my techer in school would give my class a star if we had behaved during the day. When we had collected ten stars we got a prize of some sort, can’t remember what.. When I was twenty-three I gave myself a star everytime I did something good. I wrote myself a contract, stated 15 good things I should do every day to improve my life, promised myself an acoustic steel-stringed guitar as a prize, and signed it. It works. Not perfectly, as I’m behind about two days (I need five “stars” a day), but I’m getting there. If I have 200 stars before the end of February I get to buy myself a guitar for 200 euros. (Money I don’t have, but who cares..)

I’ve printed papers, checked boxes and written a conciderable amount of crap about myself as a designer. Now cometh the portfolio.. where anything reasonably good I ever did should be presented in a very appealing way. I casually write my name on the cover and then try to come up with some excruciatingly good graphic design. (yes, I know, I have this thing for adjectives and adverbs..) It doesn’t work though, whenever I have to prove myself in something, I find I fail. (this actually goes for everything from a golfswing to flipping a pancake) But hey, this is what I do, and half of my time as a designer is spent on trying to work myself out of failing situations! (the other half is, according to earlier statements, spent on me wondering if and why I should be a designer..) So I got down to basics. Collage.

Aaah.. now this I miss.. looking through magazines while chewing on some plastic part of a pair of scissors.

Starting off with good typography, which is the heart and soul of graphic design.

I’m thinking.. handmade patterns.. striking, organic, playful. 

 
Hand drawn, personal and rough are friends of mine today. You don’t need to be good to be good.

Sorry about the poor quality. Still haven’t purchased that precious Nikon that haunts my dreams. (but then again, one shouldn’t blame pictures on the camera..) This will be my source, now all I need is time and patience.

And I got a mail today telling me that Anne and I will get to have our pieces of furniture in KhiB:s stand at the Stockholm Furniture Fair! Yey! Still haven’t got the wallpaper though, and mails about the matter aren’t being answered.. (I was suppose to get it sponsored..) And I’ve forgotten about all the shelves.. And I should get the presentation printed, and I apparently need a widescreen portrait of myself (sheit!?), and I need to wash some clothes, and prepare my oral presentation, oh and do the master application, and get my poor room cleaned, and my stitches removed, and my stars collected, and.. uuhm.. eehr.. I think I have to go. Bye!